It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
