i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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