I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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