Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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