dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
