also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
