Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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