Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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