This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
