hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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