That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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