I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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