its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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