my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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