Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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