He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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