I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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