Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize