Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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