watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
