Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
