i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
