This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
