Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
