I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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