She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
where am i from again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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