New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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