I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I faked an abortion last night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
