I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
