9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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