THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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