You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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