so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
