Me too!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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