wat bout pragnant strippers??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
