I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
