the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
