Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
