Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
