well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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