"it" just moved
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
