So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
