Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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