let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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