i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize