after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
