Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize