What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
