If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
