omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize