I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
