what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
