I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
