worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
