I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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