those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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