No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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