you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
