I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
