I will die if light touches me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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