bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
