We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
