R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They have beer where we have blood.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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