i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
