Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
